Postpartum Thoughts: First-Time Full-Time Mom Who's About To Have A Toddler Soon
It's been many, many months since I last wrote our thoughts here in the blog. And I finally got to open my laptop while our little one is snoozing away for the night.
Did time just go by so fast? I still can't believe I'm about to have a toddler in a few months. I've been telling myself a lot of times: "where did my little baby go?" and "our baby used to be so tiny" :(
I actually took a break from work and have been head on full-time mom and wife for almost two months now. I'm super duper grateful for my husband for his support on this decision. (I love him so much!!! He's the bestest dada hubby lifetime partner person in this Universe T_T)
It wasn't an easy decision but it took a weight off me because I'm no longer catching up with my work hours like I used to. I have more time to be present for our little one. It also made me realize that maybe postpartum hormones robbed me so much of being KIND to myself. I have acknowledged the fact that I was filled with so much RAGE even for the littlest of things and I wished I could just HUG my past self so tight when she was in the newborn trenches, and when moments felt so dark for her. My only regret honestly was not setting up rules and boundaries. It's always - "everybody wants to see the baby, but never really asks how the mother and/or father are doing". I've decided to pay it forward: if a first time mom needs help, I'd gladly give advice if needed. (Because first time moms definitely do not need unsolicited advices and opinions)
There's also that thought where I also want to go back to work as soon as possible and earn income for our household. My hubby is working really hard for us and for our needs. I'm really thankful for all the things he has provided for us while also being a patient dada to our little one and a loving hubby too at the same time. I've been trying to weigh my time and routines with our little one - seeing how I can fit any income-generating work into the schedule. Because I'm also trying to take a shot at content creation and working on art commissions (I've made some progresses in a month - let's keep going!) At least for now, that's the plan I've cooked up in my head. And I'm grateful also for the fact that I can go back to my previous job whenever I'm ready to. (Although I know it's not guaranteed 100% and plans could still change)
Our little one's growing up so so fast. It feels like he's learning quick and growing so much every single day. It makes us so happy seeing him hit milestones, do something new that always surprises us, and finally doing things we've been trying to teach him. We're in this phase where he might be going through a lot of teething, growth spurts and maybe sleep regressions. He's also trying to stand up a lot of times too and maybe in a few months we'll probably see our little one take his first steps. I'm actually excited for our baby to start walking soon (mainly because I don't want other people to hold him). He's also babbling a lot of sounds and sometimes copies us. He probably has new sounds that has context now.
Our little one's the only reason why being a parent can be so fulfilling even if it's exhausting. The love we have for our little one is overflowing. His smiles alone can charge us back to 100% in the speed of light after being drained to 0%. So, while the thought of balancing work, passion projects, and motherhood is a constant puzzle in my mind, for now, I'm simply trying to soak up this overwhelming, beautiful chaos. The minutes fly by, but the love remains, and that's the only deadline that truly matters.