Having a baby means I'll only have them as a baby for 2% of my lifetime if I live up to 100 years old
Note: Wrote this on 02.26.2026
I've been feeling down today. But I haven't really said anything about it to my husband. I did tell him my patience is low and I feel cranky in a sing song voice but that was just it, while also having a dress up struggle with my toddler. And I'm here again tonight with those feelings.
I've so many things left unsaid, unresolved, maybe for the better, but they're still there, lingering in my thoughts. Sometimes revisiting me. And some of it I really like to change perspective on. Because it's daunting. Haunting. I know I can shift my perspective all the time because I've done it before and it has helped me in so many ways. I've made it here.
Sometimes, some days just feel heavier and exhausting. Even when I have the bestest hubby and our most loveable toddler, there's always that heavy air in my head that I've been trying to clear away. I sit with it sometimes like tonight.
Do I feel deeply of all the emotions I go through? Am I just not understanding myself well? Not naming what I feel appropriately? Did I lose direction of what I want to do even if I know now I have purpose as a mom and wife? Did these feelings just got multiplied with all these postpartum hormones too?
I am scared sometimes. I am vulnerable sometimes.
I pray the same things over and over in my head, to God. Is this how motherhood really is? Or realizations of a person who's about to enter 30s? Maybe.
Writing it down somehow lifted me up though. I know I can do this just like I've always had. Maybe the air's just cold and heavy too because a volcano in our island erupted. And we know it has really been heavy everywhere with all the other news in this world.
I do pray we see more positive energy around us. Because we really do need that sunshine back.